I'm sick of expecting things from people.  Especially good things.

***

I'm going to miss him but I think I'm going to see this as a mini-experience of how London's going to feel.  So I'll just multiply this experience by 12...shit...

***

I'm excited for Sarita's arrival Wednesday!  I can't say that I've felt completely honky-dory about everything but I've truly thought about it and I'm super psyched to see her!

***

I feel like I need to move on from some things.  I think it's just the natural progression of my character...or maybe I'm just restless and need new things every now and then.  I've lost some people and I've gained even more.  I like that.

Btw, waking up at 5 am and driving with Rachel to Wegmans this morning was totally worth it!  We felt that there would be a great crowd or no one at all...the latter was true.  I liked how once we got into teh store, no one knew where to go to find the damn book.

Even though I wanted to stay awake and start reading the book the moment I got home, I passed out when I got back to my room.  Plus, Brandon spent the night and I thought it would be sort of awkard to start reading a book, become engrossed and then refuse to drive him home because I would want to stay and read.
Thought it was kind of funny too that I left him at my house at 5 am to get a book.

I've been feeling a bit like Hamlet lately.  No, I don't wish to murder my uncle but I've been waiting and waiting for the right times to act and I keep letting them pass.  It's the little things that I'm letting pass by, especially on communication.  Life and this internship have taught me that I need to work on my communication skills and assertiveness.

I believe I'm a fairly confident person who falls back into old habits once in awhile, but I have a real problem letting myself be heard and it's going to bite me in the butt later on.  I feltl it especially when I went to visit the lab I'll be working in next semester at UMBI.  I wasn't sure if it was a comment or a point she was making, but one of my mentors mentioned that I shouldn't be all demure and quiet at the lab, that I need to speak up and make it known what I want to research.  I have some ideas but I still need to develop my ideas by reading more literature on the halophiles.

Personally, I keep making promises to myself to get in touch and stay in touch with other people.  And it's been gnawing at me because I can't seem to follow through.  I hope once this internship clears up, I can finally get to my personal life.
Something strange sort of happened a few weeks ago.  An old high school classmate of mine, well two years older than me, contacted me on MySpace from Afghanistan (He;s in the Army).  It was very random and I've been trying to keep up messaging with him, but it's hard since I'm hardly ever on MySpace.  It's important for me to keep in touch with him, becuase I think I believe if I keep in touch with him, then it'll make my cousin come home safely from Iraq.

Other than the above, things have been alright.  I'm looking forward to a good rest after Wednesday's over.  To quote the wise words of Fergie: 
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

But my mind's been up and down lately.  I think it's the anxiety that I'll be in a completely different element next semester, Brandon's going away for three months and I'll miss him dearly, and that I won't be seeing my friends as much as I'd like, college friends and outside of school friends.  I tend to fret about the things that are eons away and have let that tendency ruin the time I should've used to enjoy myself.  I cant' let that happen this time.  I have too much to look forward to in the next few weeks and a lot to learn from next semester and I can't let myself forget that and scare myself into thinking otherwise.

Looking forward to hanging out with Jess.  I haven't seen her in quite a bit.  Last time I saw her, she gave me an Origami kit to help me "become more Asian"...It's funny, don't worry.
Also looking forward to seeing Sarita...I hope (sorry for the communication fiasco!  I owe you a long letter!)
Also looking foward to hanging out with my garden, as geeky as that sounds!  My daisies are in full, beautiful bloom and am looking forward  to enjoying them.

Last but not least: HARRY POTTER!!!!!!
Saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix last Saturday afternoon with Louise and Danielle.  I loved it!  I found myself gripping my seat every now and then.  I also informed my dad that at 6:00 am on Saturday morning, we'll, or at least I will, be at Wegman's buying a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows...no I didn't pre-order one!  If that fails, there's always Sam's Club.  I will re-emerge into sunlight for work on Sunday morning  :)

Finally found the Whistling Oyster.

Went to Fells Point the other night with Brandon and two friends from school.  I wasn't sure what to expect when I got there but I liked the feel.  It kind of reminded me of Ireland.  I wanted to go into the Whistling Oyster but didn't.  I didn't know what to say once I walked in.

Again? 8 in a row, right?  I'm beginning to feel happy that I have to miss all of these games.  I'm hardly at home anymore so I get to miss the carnage.

Taking LJ's topic: How well do you know your neighbors?  Well that's funny because my dad and I were just talking about them today.  After 21 years of living here, I do not know them at all but somehow know all of their business...or concocted some stories that might be their business.  I'm convinced the females that live on either side of us have a thing for my dad.  My mom thinks my one neighbor looks like Benjamin Bratt even though he doesn't...at all...looks more like a creep.  The creepy man's mother, who lives with him, has a dog.  A screaming and yippy dog that I would like to shoot because they left it outside on the deck at 11:30 last night and it would not stop barking.  My sister wants to call Animal Control but I would like to take a BBgun and shoot it instead.  
Why do I always opt for violence?


I found out at work today that I need to move far away.  I was talking to my friend's daughter who goes to East Carolina University...I think and I mentioned that I went to Towson Catholic.  She told me her roommate went to TC and alarms went off in my head.  Her roommate is Brittney Gregory.  Although I don't think I ever spoke to her, I was still amazed at how these goddamn connections keep forming.  How could such a small school lead to so many networks?

Started at the Aquarium yesterday.  I've only been there two days and I think I've been asked the best question I'll ever be asked while I'm there.

I was watering plants on the First Floor lobby and a couple came up to me, completely puzzled and asked, "Where are we!?"  

I was tempted to answer with, "The Aquarium."

It reminded me of the Dane Cook skit, where he was talking about working at the Drive-Thru of Burger King and, after ordering her food, a lady asked him, "Where do I go?"

People are great...

I can't even imagine what September is going to feel like...

Internship starts on Wednesday.  Kind of nervous and annoyed.  Nervous for new things and annoyed because the supervisor wants me there at 7:30 am.  But I think I'll be working about 8 or 7 hours a week, I'll be finished in 6 weeks or so :)  

I'm thinking about learning how to scuba dive this summer.  I might recruit my dad to go with me since I think he's been wanting to learn too.

This past weekend was pretty fun.  I went up to Poconos (non-tropical, Julie!) with Brandon and his family.  Super nervous because I thought we'd get on each other's nerves by the end but the opposite really.  Went kayaking, canoeing, and swimming in a really murky lake.  Hopefully we'll get to go back soon.

I'm just looking forward to/waiting a few things to happen:
-For my boys to get over .500
-A few relaxing moments in July with my family
-Some leisure reading
-Time with friends

Wow I'm very boring but I'll take that for now.  It was a long year and I'm craving for some down time before I go into research mode at UMBI next semester.

I went over to my grandmother's today and we were talking about my cousin Kevin who's over in Iraq at the moment.  I thought it was really funny when she told me that he has his own office with air conditioning and a Pizza Hut and Burger King very close to where he's stationed.

Then I went over to my Aunt Jane's house to see her and take pictures of her dog, Riley.  I haven't seen Riley since December, and he grew...out.  He's a corgi, so he just kind of got a little plump, but very cute and excited...so excited that when he jumped on me, I felt a wet spot on my pants and discovered that he peed on my pants.  Very cute...


Oh another semester over and now I'm a senior.  I DON'T WANT TO BE A SENIOR...yet...
I'm kind of in denial, obviously.
I guess I was getting a little bummed that I won't be able to just have the time to bum around this summer.  My May semester class starts tomorrow (photography) and that'll go on for three weeks. But I've never taken a photography class before or taken this kind of thing seriously so I'm pretty excited actually.
Then the Wednesday after that class ends, my internship at the Aquarium begins.  I'm really anxious for that.  I'm a little intimidated but at the same time intrigued.  I feel like I'm actually contributing towards my future and making a step rather than just thinking about it.  I'm a little sad because my advisor at school is supposed to be my faculty advisor for this internship, but she might be leaving this summer for a job at Hopkins, which she totally deserves.  But still, I'll really miss her and will be sad if she won't be there when I graduate.

All the while, I'm still at Ladew getting a ridiculous tan.

Then I'll be downtown somewhere in the Fall semester doing research with microbes and extremophiles...very cool stuff (this is bacteria that lives in iceburgs and hydrothermal vents...I'm such a dork).  300 hours in a lab...fun fun fun!

Then, hopefully, I'll be on a plane to London during the 2nd week of August to visit Brandon and Dawn while they're studying abroad.

Whoo...that's a lot...

I have a strange feeling that I'm never going to see some of these people ever again and it kind of frightens me...

Oh there's nothing more beautiful than being at a four-way stop sign and everyone knowing what to do and when to go.

I'm going flower shopping tomorrow and can't wait to work in my garden.

For some reason this struck a chord with me.  Today Nate was asking me about Brandon and things about him.  He asked me if he was a good person.  I don't know why but that made me see him differently...a bit.  Friend or not, I guess that was his way of looking out for me.  But all in all I love how my friends look out for me.  

I'm not ready to say good-bye yet.  As much as I didn't like this semester and most of the classes I took, a lot of good things happened.  I met a lot of good people and I let myself relax a bit with the academic-ness.  

I'm afraid that I'm going to lose touch with people,  I don't want to be one of those girls who is in a relationship and forgets that everyone else in her life exists.  I can blame distance and school work but is that enough?  Plus with this internship this summer, I'm going to be busy as ever (I think).    

Maybe I'm worrying for nothing and am thinking too far ahead, like I usually do.

~~~


Oh a completely random note:
I wonder how many Grand slams the O's have given up so far...
Oh 5-4...they're so close!

Today was a total waste of my time.
I got stood up by my doctor for the third time in a row.
I got stood up by my teacher who I do research with...although she did come in later to explain why she wasn't there.  So all is forgiven there
Of course once everyone found out that the VT shooter was Korean, I knew that dumb comments would be flying my way.  So my friend, Manminder, said to me "Looks like one of your cousins was shooting up at Virginia Tech."  
Why do people say things like that?  I don't understand.  Even if I was in a good mood, I'm not sure if I would've found that comment funny.  No one commented that the two shooters at Columbine were white.  Why does it matter?!  Usually I could let something like that roll off but not today and not now.  I feel as if it's always easier to make comments like that because we're easier to point out and aren't a major power.  
So bring on the comments and dumbass questions, bitches.

When he mentioned my cousin, I instantly thought of Kevin in Iraq and thought that something had happened.

So I'm really upset now and can't seem to stop tearing up.  I'm just frustrated at my doctors, my peers, and everyone's lack of empathy and common sense.  I also realized how scared I am for my cousin and just hope he comes back alive.  I don't know that statistics or the probablity of him coming home; all I know is is that he shouldn't even be over there doing the dirty work. 

I'm turning 21 tomorrow and I don't feel ready at all.
It's amazing how when you're younger, you never feel like you're getting older.  I never thought I'd actually get to 21, that I would be stuck in some weird teenage purgatory.
Aging...it happens, I guess.  But it's all in your mind, in the end.  I still feel 18.

I am happy I'll be spending it with some familiar people.  That's going to feel really good again.  I told Sarita that if she flew in to surprise me tomorrow that I would pee myself.  She asked me if I really would; I think I really would!!

College had kind of ruined the month of April for me.  I enjoy it up until the 13th, then it's crunch time.  I'm feeling pretty motivated at the moment, so I hope I can keep this momentum up.  I hope the best for everyone this month.

I got the schedule I want.  Only 12 credits.  But it's a blessing really.  I won't bore you with explaining why it is but I'm really happy with it.

I want the warm weather to get here.  I want to start gardening again and plant my daisies and climbing shell plant.  It's holding on by a thread.

Saw Grindhouse with Jess last week.  It was nuts!  Tarantino's film was a lot better than the first but what I really wanted to see was the machine gun leg.  That made the movie pretty worthwhile.  Am I weird?

I had a very vivid dream last night that Julie texted me to tell me that my friend Beth was dead.  I spent the rest of the dream so sad.  I woke up and thought it was real.  I'm tempted to to text Beth just to see if she really is alive or not.

Brandon threw out the idea awhile ago that while he's studying abroad in London next semester, I should come out and visit him.  I threw out the idea to my parents, thinking I'd get laughed at, but they were actually pretty receptive to it.  I've always wanted to go to London and this should make it that much more interesting.  I'd have to pay my way but that doesn't suprise me.  

I also have to look up prices for a round trip to Chicago!  I want to visit Sarita in South Bend and see what it's like out there.

I haven't been able to sit still all day.  I think I'm going to go work out or something to take the edge off (sounds like I'm doing drugs).  But today was fairly uneventful.  
Endured being yelled at by my sister for things that I cannot control.  Bitch...she needs to get a life.  She's getting her gall bladder out on Friday and so she's using that as an excuse for everything, espcially for not doing anything.  She's going in around 7 am.  I'm going to be feeling very lonely that morning since no one will be around on the birthday morning.  But I'm glad that she's not going to the game that night; I would have had to endure about 5 hours and Mike bickering and crap and that really would've ruined my night and probably everyone elses.

*I officially received the Horticulture internship at the Aquarium!

*I also was accepted to do biology research at an off-campus lab next semester!

*My cousin is being shipped to Iraq on Sunday.  Easter of all days.  I don't like the word "shipped'; it makes him sound like a package or a piece of machinery...